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Wednesday, June 29, 2016

The Hardest Fall (Roadmap to Your Heart #3) [Sebastian & Tate] by Christina Lee

This is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE book of 2016. I connected with this book in a way I can't remember feeling in a LONG time. A good book, luckily, is not a hard thing to find, but a book you FEEL this way and understand on a personal level is something different entirely. It's also VERY personal for me so I can't "guarantee" you'll feel the same about it as I did, but I CAN promise you it's a GREAT book with beautiful unique characters, a bit angsty which is very understandable when you get to know the characters, so even if you're not into angst, it's so character appropriate I really enjoyed the whole journey and I'm sure you will too :) 

I feel as though I'm going to screw up this review, it's just I have SO MUCH to say, and it's all tangled in my brain and I have to somehow organize it and it feels totally impossible considering the personal feeling I have and not sure how to bring this part from myself into the review.. 

Well, let's start at the beginning shall we? 
Sebastian Clark is your "regular" guy, seems like the neighbor next door, but there is SO MUCH MORE to this guy it's simply unfathomable. No wonder Tate fell for him, I was totally and absolutely enamored with him. About a year ago Sebastian's childhood friend died, at his dying bed Alan gave Sebastian an envelope not exactly explaining to him what to do with it.. inside the envelope is a secret relationship he had with a Drag Queen while he was married. Alan didn't want the envelope to be found after his death and shame his family but Sebastian thought that he saw in Alan's eyes regret and so he decided the best thing would be to find the guy and give him the photos and transactions Alan saved. 

Sebastian found Tate Sullivan also known as "Frieda Love" in a club in town, not knowing Tate actually left town and only recently returned after he heard of Alan's death. He first came with the envelope wanting to deliver this piece of information to him yet he was unsure if giving it to him would actually do any good.. it might just cause him unwanted pain.. but that's not the reason he kept returning to watch Frieda Love again and again and again, he was just enthralled with her. There was something in her charm that made her absolutely irresistible to him. When finally Tate as Frieda Love came to talk to him after one of the shows he was floored and what he didn't expect is to become friends with Tate and cherish their friendship in a way he didn't share with anyone before. Well, it should be noted he doesn't actually have any friends because he doesn't really know how to connect with people. Though he has people around him who care about him he doesn't feel very close and personal with them. The thing is, it's not just Tate's friendship Sebastian want's there is something else.. a sort of attraction he was curious to find. It's not just Tate in women's cloths and makeup, it's that AND Tate as a "regular" guy (with or without makeup) and oh boy oh boy, once they start exploring each other sexually.. ~fans myself~ it was HOT and I mean H-O-T-! O_O

I won't say more about HOW awesome Sebastian is, I'll let you read for yourself. The great thing about a book (boyfriend) there is no need for me to mark the territory around Sebastian and declare him MINE, we can all share and it's totally fine :) 

Tate is one of the most unique characters I've ever read. I had this book in my list because it's by Christina, so naturally I had to have it and read it ASAP, but Eleanor (a good friend of mine in real life) already "warned" me that this book is going to be different for me. She knows me, she knows the way I am and she could totally see this would be a perfect fit. She was SO right! (check out her review)

So back to Tate or rather Tate and Frieda Love. There is something about Tate and his charisma which is totally captivating. I got what Sebastian saw in him/her even without seeing the show. But what I liked best is how he also saw his vulnerability and the fact that Frieda might be THE Queen of the earth, but is not her.. He might be a bit, in the way he speaks, looks and all that, but underneath is a very sweet and also lonely guy who wants someone in his life who accepts ALL of his parts. It's not just about getting the fact he is Frieda Love twice a week, but also the fact he can wear makeup and dress like a "regular" dude. Sebastian was exactly that, a guy who loved EVERYTHING about Tate including his "oddities" (though I personally don't think of anything about Tate as "strange", he sounds like the coolest guy EVER. I would LOVE to be his best friend :)).

I loved the part about YouTube videos, I watch a TON of videos on a daily basis (mostly when I do my makeup in the morning). I don't follow a guy doing makeup at the moment, but it's just me mixing up the people I follow so I don't get bored or overwhelmed with the amount I WOULD watch if I followed ALL OF THEM at once. I watched a few guys over the years and I really enjoyed their tutorials. Not because they are guys because they were GOOD at what they did. It doesn't matter to me if it's a guy or a girl anyhow, it's all about how much I enjoy watching and learning. 

This book talks SO MUCH about acceptance, about belonging. For both Sebastian and Tate. 

Sebastian's life have been complicated, mostly in his early years which basically made him who he is today (which is a GORGEOUS human being), Though he went through a lot and he does his best to help others in need, there is something still very distant he doesn't know how to bridge. Meeting Tate makes a great difference in Sebastian's life in this issue and he grows beautifully throughout the book. At times it felt as though Tate was "asking too much" maybe because they are so different but I think it was a way for Sebastian to evolve and expand his horizons which was heart warming to see. 

With Tate it's more obvious because guys wearing makeup is NOT something people tend to see as "normal". I gotta say I don't even know why that is! It's only makeup! It's made to make you feel great and enables you to be creative in your everyday life. I'm a real makeup freak. I LOVE makeup but I also love doing things "out of the box", I can wear any color of eyeshadow / lipstick and I have my own personal way of deciding what I think it absolutely COOL though other people might not see the big deal about it and even think it's ugly or totally unwearable. For me it's unwearable if it doesn't match my skin type, otherwise there are NO RULES. The only rule to makeup is having fun doing it and liking what YOU see. I have NO problem going anywhere without makeup, I have no personal problem with how I look without it, I just enjoy the whole process and having FUN doing it and frankly, waking up in the morning while doing it. I am NOT a morning person so chilling in front of the mirror with my coffee beside me, playing with colors is really the best way for me to start the day. 

I think one of my most known "oddities" where it comes to makeup is my obsession with BLUE. Blue everything. I'd LOVE to color my hair blue (like Tate did :)) actually, just asked my little sister to color my hair (light brown) and she asked why not blue?! Truthfully? I'm just too damn lazy for maintenance! ha! So blue eyeshadow NATURALLY, but also blue eyebrows at times and blue lipstick OH YEAH! Eleanor HATES my blue lipstick and never fails to warn me she will find the damn thing and throw it in the trash if she ever stumbles into the hated tube. Well, she COULD do that, but I'll just buy MORE hehe When I go to dog shows it's quite common for me to wear it. On my regular day job it really doesn't work which is a shame, but well, I DO try to incorporate it as much as I can whenever it's, you know, half way, not truly, but half, or rather not really, acceptable.. ;)

random photo from a dog show

There's a story here. I swear it has everything to do with the book!

A while a go I registered to a course in Adler institute (if you are not familiar they teach parents consulting and coaching), I started studying there this year. It was sort of my first course, I didn't know ANYONE, and I'm not very good with new people and especially (!) groups.. I'm always the outsider and so I'm used to people not getting me or / and not accepting the way I am, the way I talk etc.. Second meeting of the course I just received in the mail the best thing EVER -  a blue lipstick, yeah, but also LONG LASTING one! Talking about the "high maintenance" concept, you can NOT wear blue lipstick and not check yourself in the mirror every half an hour.. It looks horrendous when not done perfectly.. So yeah, I swatched it on my hand at work and was IN LOVE. When I got home first thing I did after letting the dogs out was try it on. PER-FECTION. My god! 
Then I ran out the door to my course at Adler... 

Shit. I'm sitting at class, with 18 strangers and a teacher I just met a week before realizing I'm STILL wearing the freaking BLUE LIPSTICK! Damage control - never mind, they would probably think I'm crazy or strange soon or later, so sooner it seems.. 

Blue is the Bomb! 

You know what? No one said a THING to me about it. They acted as though nothing was out of the ordinary. I had NO WORDS. I was shocked by their reaction but I was also humbled beyond words. People ALWAYS react to these kind of things, I'm used to it, I've heard it all, yeah I look like a corpse, yeah I noticed I'm wearing a BLUE lipstick, yeah I get you think it's ugly, yeah I know it's inappropriate (in your eyes) but do I CARE? NOPE!

This group was special, from the day it started to the day it ended. The last meeting was two weeks ago, well, yesterday as I was reading this book on Tuesday, "our" day, and I was sitting at home enjoying my book but my heart somehow was a few kilometers away, thinking of the 18 beautiful people I came to appreciate so much for their acceptance, for the way they respected one another, cared for one another and never left anyone feeling as though s/he doesn't belong. I was heart sick for my beloved group and I was aching in the best way possible seeing the kind of acceptance Tate received from Sebastian's friends and mostly from Sebastian himself. He truly saw ALL of Tate and loved every inch of him exactly the way he is. 

This book made me consider so much in my life. Though I'm pretty much the girl next door when it comes to general looks (when I'm not wearing my blue obsession ;)), I have ALWAYS been the outsider, the one who is left behind, rejected, unwanted, not understood, strange. I might not be as extravagant as Tate is, but people consider me this way in many ways and so it was really easy for me to relate but more over it was beautiful-beyond-words to read of ACCEPTANCE in it's purest form and realize it's not just the way it is in the perfect "book world" of a book I know I will always cherish, but it's also something I found in my personal life. All it takes really is having an open mind and the realization that people who do things differently from you basically are people who do things differently than you do.. There is no need for judgement. 

I have a very Israeli example but I'm afraid you won't get it.. I'll try anyway.. 
There are two kinds of people in this world (no there aren't.. there are MANY more but this is for our example so bare with me :)) ones who first eat the cream of the "krembo" and THEN eat the cookie underneath, and the ones who first eat the cookie underneath the "Krembo" and THEN eats cream. I swear people get SO upset about this issue you wouldn't believe it!  
It's just a freaking "Krembo" - eat it how the hell you want to! It's tasty so be quick about it or I'll grab it under your nose! (and yeah, I'll start with the cookie, just so you'll know :))

"Krembo" = Chocolate-coated marshmallow treat

I could go on forever about this book, I swear! It was truly a game changer sort of a book for me. It was personal as I've already mentioned many times over this review and it's as obvious from everything I"ve written and shared about myself. 
I LOVED IT! and I recommend it to absolutely EVERYONE. 

Additional Details: Kindle Ebook, 226 pages, 27-28 June 2016 / On GoodReads

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